In Search for Love, as Written by my Teenage Self

I’ve lately found myself in a creative chasm. I hate being lost among a thousand half-baked ideas, but alas it’s where I am. I haven’t neglected my blog – in fact, I have about a dozen or so partially written masterpieces that will likely never see the light of day, or more appropriately, the backlight of your screens. They are nothing more than little thoughts here and there, saved as drafts until I can find a “better sense of clarity” to make them presentable to you.

There is too much creative power lost to perfectionism. Surely I’m not alone on this one, right?

So in an attempt to recapture my magic, I looked back at some of my earliest works for inspiration. What I found was an early teenaged April love-sick for her future soul mate. Amusing doesn’t even begin to describe the lovelorn, hormone-fueled mess that I was during those delicate years.

But looking beyond the rough edges of my teenage self, I’m proud that my hand was so honest about what my heart was telling me. It’s sweet in a way, how truthful I was about my desires for someone to love me.

So without further ado, and because I have nothing fresh to put on the plate today, I give you April circa 1999-2001.

And as a visual component to today’s post, I give you a picture of the April who wrote what lies below. Enjoy! 🙂

Take Me Away

Take me away to the place where I dream.

Be everything that I know you will be.

Be brave and courageous, but do not be proud.

Give me the whole world in the palm of your hand.

Give me the cool, still morning, with life on its breath.

Give me the strength of the wild, but be as gentle as a lamb.

Give me the mountains, and hold me ‘neath the stars.

In the cool of the evening, bring me atop a hillside, 

and tell me your love for me is the color of the purple sky above us.

Tell me your love for me stretches far beyond the sunset.

Hold me there.

Keep me there.

Love me there.

Tell me I have made your dreams come true.

And as an added bonus, my struggle as a 14-year-old to find the meaning of life.

Musings on Life and Love

I could not tell you in fifty years,

If life had turned out the way it should have.

There are too many questions yet to be asked.

There are too many answers yet to be revealed.

There is an ideal life that is just waiting to be caught,

but that ideal is by far unattainable.

Dreams and people tell me what to strive for,

but one goal reached, is another goal unreachable.

In life,

I am told,

to let love find me.

In that case,

I’ll be alone forever.

The road of life cannot be mapped.

There is not a single destination, certain, 

that I will arrive.

So, the future only knows the road ahead of me.

And until I meet up with the invisible, all-knowing,

I’ll just be here,

walking along,

wondering what comes next.